Yes the source of life, joy has been reduced to an industry in todays world which is fine it were just so, but no, a dsyfunctional society has created taboos, dogmas, superstitions and overall confusion.

Psychology embraces sex as life instinct, the Eros, which starts functioning in childhood as a natural curiosity about one’s body and environment, repression of which could pose serious problems to the individual’s psyche. Spirituality talks about celibacy/ brahmacharya or even propogates monogamy through Grihastashram-life of a householder.

Let us examine at an individal level our natural feelings about sex and sexuality, keeping the societal conditioning on hold.

What do we think and feel about celibacy,dating, nudity, marriage, premarital and extramarital sex, contraception,masturbation, monogamy v/s polygamy, sex toys,porn, sex industry, same sex relations, rape and sexual abuse?

I think each of us would have different answers and views, which would speak of our individual personalities and preferences, but who and what is right or wrong?

Maybe a simple rule of the book could be, that which is good for all parties concerned , neither hurts nor exploits all, is not harmful, illegal is right. Besides this simplistic view I guess we don’t have the jurisdiction to dictate or govern the sex and sexuality of others.

The sex act is beautiful as it is the only experience which engages all of or five sense organs, making its impact complete and powerful.The onus lies on us to help integrate sex into our daily and public lives as it is innate and natural, not something to be avoided, brushed under the carpet.

I find that drinking is such a common lifestyle habit that the problem it creates often go unnoticed or are hidden. Most of associate drinks with partying, fun, celebrations, getting buzzed, feeling nice, easing off anxiety on dates to dancing….:) all of this is the nice side of alcohol, the intoxicant.

Between the two extremes of people who don’t drink and are severe alcoholics, lies another large number of people who are also dependent on alcohol. It is a way of life for them and because the problem and the indulging people are so large in number, it goes unrecognised.
Many people use alochol as a mood elevator as life and its problems are wearing them down. Such people are at great risk to addiction and also to compounding their problems which ofcourse alcohol will not solve. They may jeopardise their health, relationships and finances if they donot get a control on their life.

Life is simple, we often complicate it. We have to put in effort to achieve our goals. We are lazy and want to take short cuts because we are over stupid(not oversmart as we think)our actions come to bite us and we have to pay a heavy price. Now not only we have the primary problems staring us in the face, we have created secondary problems which need to be dealt with.

Life works on cause and effect, as you sow so shall you reap. Even your thinking is not free, the cosmic law keeps accounts. So if you are fooling around in your actions, you are digging a slow but sure deep grave for you to lie in. You can fool yourself but not life, it will take you to task, so Beware!

Life and the world around us are constantly making demands upon us. There are so many pressures acting on us from the inside(health, moods, instinctual- hunger and sexual) and the outside(environment, financial, social, work, family). Sometimes we seem caught up in a multitude of roles and obligations which make demands our time and resources, and we end up frustrated, disillusioned and stressed.

I am not saying that you should wear your problems on your sleeve,or wash your dirty linen in public. That would make you totally unpopular and people may even avoid you if you excessively mourn in public about your issues, as Ella Wheerler Cox says beautifully in her poem…Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.

It is not an insensitive world as some might conclude, where you got to package yourself as normal and in control to be with it. The truth is the world has sorrow enough of its own. Which means each of us in different permutations and combinations have some challenges that we are struggling with, so every one’s plate is pretty full. People maybe sensitive and kind and even give a listening ear, or a helping hand, and there is only so much anybody can do.

Let us live our lives with dignity and discipline, functioning on obligatory duty, not the whims of the mind, so we don’t put our health, family, finances,society to risk, and burden others to bail us out. Let us mean it: I am Fine, as I have no holes in my bucket(actions which take me away from my goals).

This seemingly simple ‘I am fine’ is a tall statement,unless you are a liar. It means you have looked after your health(you exercise and eat well), you have emotional stability, you are a caring and sensitive human being, you have clear thinking, you have financial freedon and also enjoy a relatively good family and social life.

In order to get along there are few skills we need to hone in ourselves. Foremost is developing the ability to assess people. This means understanding their intrinsic nature , through careful study and observation. Just as in the animal kingdom there are the fierce carnivores to the meek herbivores and the shrewd scavengers, so alsol in humans there exist people with a variety of temperaments.

Some are humble and some arrogant, some are patient and some have a short fuse. The animals have collective nature , for example all tigers are ferocious, all deers are timid.Yet unlike the animal kingdom, every person is unique and people don’t have colective temperaments.

Next we need to learn the Art of Right Contact. Once we understand the nature of things and people around us we need to contact them accordingly. Just as we will keep a safe distance from a carnivore and pat lovingly a cat or cow, so also we need to know how and in what capacity to relate to people around us.

A serious problem people make even after understanding nature of others, is they expect them to act apart from it. How can that be? A crude person will be so, and so will a miser, we all function helplessly as we are encrypted. It is a serious error to expect otherwise.

Every person is a mixed bag of good and bad. One would do well to not trigger the negative side and help bring out the positives in people. Very often relationship problems manifest as we are doing the opposite. We fail to notice the good things on offer and only get caught up with people’s shortcomings.

So also if a toddler is crawling towards the window or into a gas stove oblivious to his own safety, the mother may pull and whack the child, it however saves the child’s life.

Birds often after devoted care and days of provinding, may be seen pecking their fledgings out of the saftey of the nests into learning to fly and be self sufficient, as their survival depends on that. If one is short sighted and sees it as an act of cruelty one is missing an important lesson in tough love. If one intervenes to protect the little bird to saftey it is for sure he will be handicapped for life.

So also the life cycle of a butterfly, in which he moves from a crawling caterpillar, to a confined pupa which struggles to break its walls and get out its wings. If once again one thinks ‘lemme help the poor guy by breaking opening the shell, and free him to fly. It will be so much easier for him and I will earn my good karmas too.’ Once again in doing so you would cripple the butterfly forever as it is the struggle inside the pupa that gives its wings the necessary strength to fly.

What a sad sight it would make , a butterfly which cannot fly.

Struggling is necessary in life, it fortifies us, strenghtens our mental apparatus as we rise to the occasion to meet challenges. Let us embrace hardships and also not make things too easy for our children, let us act on tough love if we want them to fly.

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When one realizes this loss of focus, one does indulge in a variety of Me-Time activity to pamper oneself: spas to cleanse and detoxify, beauty treatments, exercise, yoga and meditation. All these and maybe more are soothing and relaxed ways to focus on oneself, yet often these are restricted to our bodies alone. Some may touch the realm of emotions, but yet the inner being remains unexplored.

Psychotherapy is a wonderful process which I call a complete Me Time activity as it would encompass all that comprises your being, your life and all its activities. One could consult a trained counselor/therapist for one’s personal issues, which could range from work related stress, relationship woes, inability to achieve personal goals or even work on the development of one’s personhood. It can be preventive and proactive or damage control.

Emotional well being is the key to leading a happy, fulfilled life which is often a goal of personal therapy. We often carry deep, dark,
detrimental emotional debris and clutter from the various interactions with people and situations in our day to day life.

Therapy in such cases acts as a potent antivirus which insulates our mental system from crashing.

Therapy as Me Time also includes understanding one’s deeper aspirations and needs and working towards them. We are often discontent and disgruntled as we fritter valuable energy resources and reserves in unproductive ways which not only don’t take us towards our goals but also become impediments.

Therapy helps to examine this and re centre and re program ourselves.

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